Thanks to you!

love heart

Words are futile
to describe how I feel
about you

You, who give your most precious asset
Time
to my ramblings

How to convey this?
I’m practically speechless

But I will say
in the most limited way
YOU are absolutely, unmistakably

Amazing
Innocent
Perfect

and if it takes “words” to remind you
so be it
and so it is

WordPress sent a notification informing me it’s been one year since I began my blogging journey. Woo hoo! I’m still here and so are you!! How cool is that?

Thank you and God bless!

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Catch me I’m falling

tightrope walker

“I just can’t seem to keep my life in balance. If I’m doing good in one area, next thing you know I’m slipping in another. Rarely does it feel just “right” and I’m purring on all 8 cylinders. I MUST be doing something wrong.”

Sound familiar? We love to strive for perfection don’t we? Trying to “succeed” in all arenas of life. Some of us try so hard for it, we don’t even know what we are even doing anymore. Next thing you know we are beating ourselves up because we perceive that we are failing at life (work, parenting, friendships, love life, etc.).

Balance is nice, yes. It feels so good when we have those moments of perfection and feel the brilliance of ourselves. How utterly fantastic we are keeping all those plates spinning. So talented…….

Alas, one plate falls. We scramble to pick it up and get it going again……..crash. There goes another one.

And so on…..

Okay I know, I know, we still want balance!! Okay so what if.

What if we could actually live our lives in complete balance, all the time, every day. Then what?

I’ll tell you what.

B-O-R-I-N-G!

Lets look at a tight rope walker. Does he or she stay exactly in the middle – completely balanced the entire length of the walk? NO! They go a little to one side, then to the other, reveling in moments of complete balance in between.

That’s the fun and exciting part of watching a tight rope walker. Watching them TRY to stay balanced!! And although I’m not a tight rope walker per say…….I’d imagine the exhilaration of TRYING to stay balanced is why they do it in the first place!

So I am making a plea. Can we please stop making such a big deal about balance?

And while we’re at it……that goes for our meals, too. Sometimes ice cream for dinner is EXACTLY what my heart and soul needs.

How about you? Do you think balance is all it’s cracked up to be?

 

Image courtesy of Vlado at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Gift of Choice

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice. ~ George Eliot

I am choosing not to participate in negativity. Would you like to join me?

I know, I know, what are you going to talk about?  Life is going to be ssoooo boring if you’re not involved in some kind of drama or crisis.

Personally at first I found it very eye-opening.  If I wasn’t talking about someone and their troubles AND what I think they need to do about said troubles, then I was talking about my headache/backache/tiredness/bad weather/debt….and on and on and on and on.

So when I started to really work at this I sadly noticed, I didn’t have much to talk about. Then it became a little depressing when I realized how much I relied on all that “stuff” as conversation pieces.

Thankfully I was reminded by a wise woman that  I’m always right where I’m supposed to be in the process of change.  I mean I was curbing negativity. That’s a good thing right?

It’s my ego that’s uncomfortable.

So I watch it squirm, tug and scratch trying to get in there -at all cost – to avoid the dreaded awkward silence or the off chance, that yes, I might just be boring. (Nnnnnnooooooo!!!!)

It’s funny, so many of us are the same way; we tend to lean into the negative because it’s familiar, easy and if we are to be real honest, temporarily satisfying. I mean who doesn’t enjoy engaging in a little self-pity and/or judgment now and again?   (I do, I do)

Change is hard, but not impossible!

It hard because our old familiar ways are grooves dug in deep like the wagon wheels from the old west as they travelled back and forth, back and forth, lodged on that same heavily used trail.

But it’s not the only trail; it’s just the one that’s been repeatedly used. We can choose to make new grooves. IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE NEW GROOVES!

I know we all need to have a bitch fest every once in a while and I’m not talking about being perfect. But can we keep it between one or two closest friends as we set our eyes towards progress?

Today I’ll try to  remember to use my God-given gift of choice as I continue to grow. Will you?

Are you married to my husband?

If not, you should be. I have the most amazing husband on the planet and every woman deserves a man like him. I know, you may be thinking, “Yay! Good for you….”  Don’t be a hater. There’s more to the story. I don’t always feel this way.  I have been known to throw myself the occasional pity party, whining and complaining about this same man.  Or at least about the over inflated ideas I hold him up to.

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My idea: He’s been working a lot of hours. I’ve barely seen him in days. All the house and family obligations are on me. I’m feeling tired and lonely. The doorbell rings, he has sent me a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolate! His idea:  He brings home a case of energy drinks left from one of his clients.

************

My idea:  He whisks me away to some roof top decorated with a thousand white, twinkling lights. Gently walking me over to an exquisitely set table complete with white linens, he pulls my chair out and gestures me to sit. Taking the sterling silver lid off of its sterling silver tray, he reveals a stunning diamond necklace. His idea:  “Burgers on the grill tonight?”

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My idea: I find a note on the refrigerator, Honey, I’ve taken care of the babysitter. Dress is casual. Be ready by six o’clock. His idea: Anything good on tv tonight?

************

While my ideas may be romantic as heck and would score him a lot of points (hint hint), meeting him halfway makes for a more peaceful, loving marriage. My expectations need to take a back seat so I can see what is really in the road right in front of me. On a daily basis he shows up and participates in our family’s lives. After working a twelve hour day, he walks in the door smiling, happy to be home and happy to see us. Day after day he gets up for his job, that is not what he would consider his dream career, and shows up ready and on time. I can count on him to be there for me and the children. When he is busy at work, he always makes time to talk to us on the phone if we need something. More often than not he tells me he loves me, I’m beautiful and an awesome wife and mother. Sometimes I’ll get a text message with a smiley face blowing a kiss.  He’s not afraid to be himself and he makes us all laugh. So I may not get the “stuff” commercials, magazines and romance novels would have me believe I “need” to have a happy marriage, but in the real world I’m married to an awesome dad, a man of his word and a great friend. If you are married to my husband, good for you! Sharing the love helps us all remember how good we got it. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Thoughts for today

I’m the type of person who thinks a lot . Probably too much, although I can’t be positive as I’ve never been in a thought count comparative study. I do feel, however, mine run rampant.

An example would be constantly thinking about situations with close personal relationships that seem to have endless twists and turns. Just when I think I might have made some progress, peace and/or acceptance and can go back into the water….da dum, da dum….shark!!!

And I continue to think, think, think….maybe it’s time to just end this relationship? Maybe it’s me and I need to be more compassionate? I’ve been wronged! I’ve wronged them! How about I jump in my car and just keep driving?!?!

It gets overwhelming to say the least. Thankfully, (thank you God) I have other big thinkers in my life who admit the same challenges – sometimes laughing, sometimes crying – but all the while saying, “Is this learning/growing/changing process ever going to be done!?!?

And I think sometimes how can I continue on this path when I’m so tired, disappointed and sometimes just plain angry?

 Then today a useful thought washes over my weary, caring and overwhelmed mind.

One day at a time. That’s how.

If need be, one hour at a time and when necessary, one minute at a time.

Feeling renewed and refreshed by this concept which I KNOW to be true as well as effective, I will go about my day knowing:

Everything is not as difficult as I think it is –I don’t have to worry about what the future holds – I don’t have to know how I will ever get along with so and so for the rest of my life – I don’t have to have all the answers right here and now.

I can breathe, relax, sit back, watch the show and eat the popcorn. I can live my life in increments and handle all of life’s situations trusting I am doing the best I can and God will do the “real” work.

 These are my thoughts for today.

Are we there yet?

Why does it take me so long to get it?” I’d often say to myself.

Today I look back and can answer that question with some clarity,  “Because I’m just not ready.”

Beating myself up about the would of, could of, should of, is pointless.

I simply can’t see the answer, the lesson, the gift because I’m not ready and the reason I’m not ready is because I still have other things to learn first.

Rest assured the work, pain and seeming setbacks are all part of the journey. None of it is a mistake. It’s what I need to go through to set me up for the change, the miracle or the “aha” moment.

It’s all necessary in the unfolding of my personal path. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but always right on time.

I pray for help in remembering I am always right where I am supposed to be.

Look in the mirror

As I was sitting at the stop light in the busy section of town, I couldn’t help but watch the woman in the black stretchy jumpsuit and 4 inch black heals, awkwardly crossing the street. Clearly she was uncomfortable in those shoes with the way she was clumping around like sasquatch.

“Oh. My. God,” I thought. “What was she thinking when she left the house? Doesn’t she own a mirror? And those shoes…..she’s going to take a header……uh….whatever.”

By the time she ungracefully rounded to cross the second street, my heart started to soften, “Where is she going by herself? She’s obviously heading toward the parking lot…alone…hmmm…wonder what happened?”

“Probably went to meet some guy and he ended up being a jerk. She probably just wanted to look nice for him, I mean after all, everyone is wearing those goofy heals; she just hasn’t mastered walking in them. So she gets dressed up, and I’m sure she’s nervous about the date, worried if she’s enough…..”

More compassion kicks in and I now become her cheerleader, “That’s right girl, you go home. His lose anyway and now hopefully you’ve learn something. Just be yourself! Go home, kick off those heels (but don’t get rid of them just yet, there’s still something about them you like) and move on with a good movie or book. Tomorrow’s a new day!”

You would think this was a real long light I was waiting at, but not really. This is just how fast thoughts and miracles can work in my life.

But the light does change, and I move forward and see something disturbing. There’s a couple walking a half block behind her and the woman of this couple is exaggerating her own walking, making fun of my new friend, BEHIND HER BACK.  I had to look twice to confirm this is what she was doing.

Becoming way too engaged with all of this, I pulled my car over because at this point I realized I didn’t know which way to get home.  I took out my phone for directions never to see my friend or that couple again.

The forty minute ride home left me with time to digest the whole night. It seemed I’d been here before and I’m here once again wondering as women, “What are we thinking?”

After all, I’m all three women aren’t I? The one who doesn’t know herself. The one who turns herself into a pretzel for approval. The one who isn’t’ sure what she should wear. The one who walked back to the car alone. The one who knows or doesn’t know other women are judging her.

I’m also the one holding the guys hand, not a care in the world at that moment in time. I think things are going real good in my life. I’m wearing the perfect outfit (including the shoes that are both cute and easy to walk in). I’m so caught up in my “perceived” perfection my humility is nil. I think I’m better than. I also think it’s a good idea to have some laughs at another’s expense.

And I’m the one in the car being the judge as well as the cheerleader. The one who just spent the evening laughing, hugging and dancing with the most wonderful women in the world. MY GIRLFRIENDS!! We regressed, let it all hang out and had a BLAST. The friends I love and trust so much they even know my deepest, darkest secrets and fears. The women I don’t know where I’d be or what I’d do without.

Leads me to believe, if strangers are friends I haven’t met yet, and these women friends of mine are as fantastic as I say (and yes they are) and……If  I am striving for inner love, acceptance and forgiveness,  when I’m judging any woman….

Who am I hurting?