I have this boldly glued on my wall in my meditation area. Pretty much everyday I sit, meditate, open my eyes and see the words, pray about everything, worry about nothing.
Yet I still worry.
Mostly about my children. What will become of them. How they are really doing. Are they happy? Do they know how awesome they truly are? Is there something more I could be doing to “help” them?
Therein lies the rub.
I know as parents we have our duties. Our responsibility’s to these beings we’ve helped bring into the world. I get that.
But where do we stop and God begin?
So often I take on the role of trying to be their everything. Of thinking I AM their everything. When I do this I am Easing God Out (ego) and I hardly even notice I’m doing it. I mean I’m their mother, I’m supposed to be getting “in there” and “helping” and “teaching” them. Right?
And the answer is, sure. But to a degree. For me, I have to ask myself in this dance of life, am I leading or am I letting my partner lead? I must be letting Him lead, if I’m praying, meditating and asking for help. But am I really letting go and letting God?
All I have to do is reflect honestly on the past week of which I can say….eh hem….. “no”. I haven’t been letting go and letting God. I’ve been getting in there with my suggestions and ideas to “help” them. But, when I’m doing this for the most part, I’m trying to get them to see things my way – secretly believing (knowing) my way is the best way.
I am the MOM after all. I do (should) know and want only what’s best for them. Right?
Back to the honest inventory of myself…….
I have an agenda whether I like it or not (and every time I see it I’m still very surprised at myself). When I really look at my actions and thoughts I clearly see, I’ve not only been leading the dance, I’ve been stepping on a lot of toes.
Even with my mediation, prayer and “talk” about God, I’ve subtly got in there and have been trying to run the whole show. So it’s no wonder I’m worried! If I’m really in charge, we’re all in trouble!
So what’s a mom to do? Surely I have to do something?!!???!!???!?
And as with any dance, all I really need to do is just master a few basic moves, trust my partner, relax and glide gracefully to the music.
God loves his children as much as I do (with the real possibility he loves them even more!) There is really nothing to worry about. Ever.
Maybe all my children really “need”, is for me to remember that.
I can give up but what was never real A Course in Miracles
God is the only REALity there is.
What is God?
God is Love.
How do I know this?
I can feel magnificent grace coursing through my being when I’m there.
My Self knows the difference.
When in hate, resentment, fear, doubt, confusion
How does that feel?
My Self knows the difference and it nudges me, sometimes screams to me
But what am I to do?
I have to live in the “real world” you know.
There is only one REALity
God is Love
and that’s all there is.
photo by CBurns
It’s hard to live a life without having regrets. Why? Because we are human. But also because somewhere in us we believe that we should have all the answers at all times and should execute all of these things…….perfectly.
Rather pompous of us don’t ya think?
I especially get caught up in this when it comes to parenting. I mean we are molding a life for God’s sake! This is HUGE!!!!!!
And while yes it is……there is so much more going on than our parenting.
I was getting caught up in it myself today and then I am reminded with one of my readings;
“Your Son is still as you created him…..and what can alter Holiness Itself?”
I know this to be true in my own personal life. I grew up in less than “perfect” conditions, followed suit, and lived a “troubled” life for many, many years.
Today I have proof that underneath it all is a perfect soul intact.
So while we have been conditioned, very thoroughly I might add, on what a person’s path is “supposed” to look like, there is no such thing.
While I still don’t like a lot of things, I see how much of that is my ego in play because today I have a deeper belief that at all times-in every situation-we are all doing the best we can with what we have.
So maybe regrets are reminders I need to forgive myself and others because there is nothing we could have done to another or that another could have done to us for that matter, that can change the fact that we are still as God created us underneath it all.
And that is Perfection.
Please, stay with me on this rant.
I am repeatedly overwhelmed by the meaning of the word, available. Especially (and dare I sound like my grandma for a minute) in this day and age!
And maybe it’s not the meaning. Maybe the meaning is perfect.
AVAILABLE: PRESENT AND READY FOR USE.
Sounds about right. I guess it’s just the way I’ve been experiencing being “available”.
In todays society lets face it, we are expected to be readily available at all times.Expected to be doing more; proud of being multi-taskers. Spinnning all kinds of plates like a clown in the circus (are we really living this way?)
And we ALL get caught up in it.
On the extending end when trying to reach someone we want to know; where is she? We are calling and he is not answering. We tried the house, the cell, text message, email. She SHOULD answer us NOW.
Rather interesting isn’t it? To expect someone to be at our beckon call at the exact time WE want them; PRESENT AND READY FOR USE.
On the receiving end, we think, I should answer that call, text, email, right now!Never mind I’m in the middle of a meal, working, relaxing. How dare I! Guilt, guilt, guilt and for what? For not being PRESENT AND READY FOR USE???
So whats a 21st century girl to do?
Let the call go to voicemail if I’m in the middle of something. Even if I’m in the middle of relaxing. (Bold move I know) But being instantly available to everyone is not all its cracked up to be and for the most part not even necessary.
I mean if we’re not available, the sun will still rise tomorrow, the world will still spin on its axis and maybe, just maybe we will learn to slow down, turn inward for guidance and learn some patience.
I know we want to think we can save the day should an emergency arise but I’m pretty sure God’s got this and things are going to happen exactly the way they’re suppose to anyway.
Okay so I’m not a total grandma (although I really am..lol) I love technology and think it’s great that we can check in/up on people so easily, but it just feels like its gotten out of hand.
So for me, as far as always being readily available; Nope. Sorry. That’s not me. I’m also sometimes disappointed that its not you either.
I guess that leaves me to turn to the One who’s always PRESENT AND READY FOR USE. And maybe thats the point of this entire rant. Hmm. Not bad. Thanks for listening 🙂
God thank you for being available to me always. Please help me with my guilt of taking care of my self. When I say it outloud it sounds so silly. Please take my frustrations when others aren’t available to me. Help me to remember you are in charge.
What a beauty, so precious and pure
Conflicting spirit, you were the cure
God loves me this much? Maybe life is good
Fully understanding, I wished I could
Experiencing things for the first time, through your eyes
You have given me more then ever realized
So full of life you, wanted it all
Slow down, can’t keep up
Need to catch you when you fall
A child myself, couldn’t get away with much
We grew up together, kicking and screaming and such
Pushing me to be stronger, although you never knew
I am today, and it’s because of you
If you could see my heart, not words said and unsaid
Overflowing with joy, since the I first kissed your head
Now it’s your turn and I pray you see
God loves you too, and it’s infinitely
As I go about my day, I’m sure to run across something I don’t agree with. It’s just how I am, at least for now. (Still working on spiritual perfection….lol)
Today I will try to recognize it as quickly as possible. One telltale sign is the feeling of resistance. I can resist the resistance….or…I can use it as a window into the present.
What I will find as I awaken into the moment, is my confirmed decision on whatever the situation is. Most likely I don’t want to hear it, I’ve already made up my mind and……..I am right.
God help me to remember when this time comes that I may instead say, “Maybe there’s another way to look at this.”
Not only will it open my mind, I will immediately be released from the bondage of the need to be right.
Who knows, I may even learn something.
You are breaths of fresh air; sweet and delicate.
You are reminders to be grateful for the little things.
You are examples of wonder, confidence and patience.
You are unyielding symbols of hope and perseverance.
You are teachers, demonstrating neither you nor I will act perfectly in our humanness.
You are love and forgiveness.
You are my significant others.
You are my children.