Look in the mirror

As I was sitting at the stop light in the busy section of town, I couldn’t help but watch the woman in the black stretchy jumpsuit and 4 inch black heals, awkwardly crossing the street. Clearly she was uncomfortable in those shoes with the way she was clumping around like sasquatch.

“Oh. My. God,” I thought. “What was she thinking when she left the house? Doesn’t she own a mirror? And those shoes…..she’s going to take a header……uh….whatever.”

By the time she ungracefully rounded to cross the second street, my heart started to soften, “Where is she going by herself? She’s obviously heading toward the parking lot…alone…hmmm…wonder what happened?”

“Probably went to meet some guy and he ended up being a jerk. She probably just wanted to look nice for him, I mean after all, everyone is wearing those goofy heals; she just hasn’t mastered walking in them. So she gets dressed up, and I’m sure she’s nervous about the date, worried if she’s enough…..”

More compassion kicks in and I now become her cheerleader, “That’s right girl, you go home. His lose anyway and now hopefully you’ve learn something. Just be yourself! Go home, kick off those heels (but don’t get rid of them just yet, there’s still something about them you like) and move on with a good movie or book. Tomorrow’s a new day!”

You would think this was a real long light I was waiting at, but not really. This is just how fast thoughts and miracles can work in my life.

But the light does change, and I move forward and see something disturbing. There’s a couple walking a half block behind her and the woman of this couple is exaggerating her own walking, making fun of my new friend, BEHIND HER BACK.  I had to look twice to confirm this is what she was doing.

Becoming way too engaged with all of this, I pulled my car over because at this point I realized I didn’t know which way to get home.  I took out my phone for directions never to see my friend or that couple again.

The forty minute ride home left me with time to digest the whole night. It seemed I’d been here before and I’m here once again wondering as women, “What are we thinking?”

After all, I’m all three women aren’t I? The one who doesn’t know herself. The one who turns herself into a pretzel for approval. The one who isn’t’ sure what she should wear. The one who walked back to the car alone. The one who knows or doesn’t know other women are judging her.

I’m also the one holding the guys hand, not a care in the world at that moment in time. I think things are going real good in my life. I’m wearing the perfect outfit (including the shoes that are both cute and easy to walk in). I’m so caught up in my “perceived” perfection my humility is nil. I think I’m better than. I also think it’s a good idea to have some laughs at another’s expense.

And I’m the one in the car being the judge as well as the cheerleader. The one who just spent the evening laughing, hugging and dancing with the most wonderful women in the world. MY GIRLFRIENDS!! We regressed, let it all hang out and had a BLAST. The friends I love and trust so much they even know my deepest, darkest secrets and fears. The women I don’t know where I’d be or what I’d do without.

Leads me to believe, if strangers are friends I haven’t met yet, and these women friends of mine are as fantastic as I say (and yes they are) and……If  I am striving for inner love, acceptance and forgiveness,  when I’m judging any woman….

Who am I hurting?